


Only Time

by noellehenry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Bankruptcy, Financial Issues, M/M, Pining, Summer, they're all rich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-27 10:07:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20044222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noellehenry/pseuds/noellehenry
Summary: After years of traveling around the world for business, Louis returns home to celebrate his aunt's 50th birthday. Among the guests is his longtime best friend Harry Styles, a charming young man who makes Louis feel things that he shouldn't feel in a society where the word "love" is unknown and arranged marriages are tradition.When Louis hears about Harry's arrangement, his hopes and dreams come crashing...





	Only Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reminiscingintherain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reminiscingintherain/gifts).

> This was supposed to be my contribution to the HL Summer Exchange 2019; unfortunately I had to drop out due to severe health problems, unable to finish the fic in time. 
> 
> I decided to finish the fic nonetheless and I'll dedicate it to the exchange and to reminiscingintherain, who provided the prompt for the fic:   

> 
> _Arranged marriages are the standard. In fact, nobody marries for love. Love doesn’t even exist in this world. But when Louis is drawn to Harry - someone who’s already spoken for, he starts to question everything he knows about love._  
_Feat. Harry being just as confused as Louis as the feelings are reciprocated (obviously)._   
_No cheating, but I would love to see where you can take this._  

> 
> Enjoy reading! As always, thank you [Sam](https://britpickerhl.tumblr.com) for looking over this fic for me and pick out the mistakes!
> 
> Here's a [rebloggable post](https://noellehenryfics.tumblr.com/post/187312013506/only-time-by-noellehenry-rating-teen-and-up) if you want to help me promote the story on tumblr: thank you so much! 
> 
> Title from the song Only Time by Enya off the album A Day Without Rain

It’s a beautiful summer day when Louis Tomlinson arrives at the Hepburn Estate for his aunt’s birthday party with a bright smile on his face as he drives towards the house. The entranceway is lined with beech trees on both sides, the green leaves wave gently in the soft breeze as Louis steers his silver grey Morgan to the grand entrance of the family manor house. He looks to the right and lets his gaze linger over the valley for a short while; the familiar view fills him with joy. He’s home. His aunt has been insistent over the past few weeks; begging him to stay for the summer and celebrate the milestone of her 50th birthday with her and her friends. ** **

Serafine Hepburn, Louis’ aunt, loves to entertain and of course he couldn’t deny her the presence of her beloved nephew, whom she’d raised. He was just a toddler when his parents died. 

Louis parks the car in his private space. He can already hear the soft murmur of voices and music playing from the garden._ "Strangers in the night exchanging glances" _Louis softly hums along to the Frank Sinatra song that’s being played by the band in the garden. He opens the front door of the house with his key and quickly closes it behind him; there’s no need to bother the servants, they’ll be busy taking care of Serafine’s guests, besides, Louis knows his way around the house. He quickly walks upstairs to his old room to freshen up and changes into his summer suit, before he enters the garden where the party appears to be in full swing. Louis combs his hair, adjusts his blue shirt and grins to himself in the mirror. “Time to party.” he tells his reflection and descends the stairs, walks through the drawing room to the open French doors and greets James, his aunt’s butler and asks him where he can find his aunt. James, dressed as always in a black suit, tells him she’s sitting on the terrace in her favourite chair. Louis thanks him and then moves to the terrace. He smiles as he takes in the scene in front of him. Men in summer suits and women in beautiful summer dresses are standing in small groups on the terrace and the lawn, enjoying a glass of wine as they chat cheerfully. A typical Serafine Hepburn party.

Looking to his left he sees the most handsome man he has ever known, Harry Styles. It’s hard to believe he has known Harry for over twenty years. They’d grown up together. Harry is a couple of years younger than Louis is, but it had never mattered, not even in their childhood days. They had so much fun playing together, age didn’t matter to them. 

When Louis grew older he began to feel different about his friend. His feelings became more intense where the younger boy was concerned. Feelings previous unknown to teenaged Louis and up until today, Harry Styles is the only person Louis has these deeper feelings for, feelings so deep, they scare him sometimes. He can’t imagine anyone coming between them. Unfortunately, that is not how society works. Deeper feelings are unheard of by law and society, people marry for convenience, marriages are arranged for them by, usually, their parents. Sometimes partners are picked already at an early age with the intend to marry, once both partners have come of age. ** **

Not in Louis’ case however. Louis’ aunt is a free spirit with liberal views to life. She compares arranged marriages to living in a cage; a dull and restraint life, where one is unable to spread their wings further. Serafine Hepburn has never married in her life; she travels, has multiple male friends at her feet, frequents parties on a weekly basis, drinks champagne and simply enjoys the good things in life. She’s refused to arrange a marriage for her beloved nephew.

“My dear boy, I’ll not sentence you to a dull and boring life. If you want to marry, you choose your partner and be happy, but never settle for a mediocre life, just because society expects you to.” Aunt Serafine’s final words about arranged marriage; they never talked about it again.

At first Louis had been shocked by his aunt’s views of life, especially when he went to Eton College and discovered that all of the boys were spoken for and when asked whom he’d marry, he had tried to avoid the question at first, because it felt a little awkward to admit he wasn’t going to marry anyone. The boys let it slip once they discovered Louis’ aunt was Serafine Hepburn, wealthy, well-known in their society and either admired or loathed for her lifestyle.

When Louis was old enough to join his aunt in her evenings of entertainment, he met many more people who shared his aunt’s opinions of life. He was introduced to English literature and songs and stories about a deeper feeling for another human, an all consuming feeling, making bodies tingle with anticipation, feeling flutters in stomachs and a mind that was constantly filled with thoughts about the other person, an attraction so insistent it would never leave. He’d laughed at it, but his aunt’s friends would just shake their heads and say.

“You’ll see when you meet the right person.”

Of course these discussions were all in secret and nobody would dare to utter these words in public. Some of aunt Serafine’s friends were married couples and very affectionate with each other. Those were the people Louis envied and he’d promised himself if he ever found someone like that, he would marry, until then… he’d happily remain a bachelor. ** **

Only Harry Styles has fit that description so far.

Each time he sees Harry, he’s grown more handsome and his feelings for the man grow deeper and stronger. Like right now; Harry simply glows, his handsome features are lit up by the sun beams, making Harry stand out amongst the guests. Louis feels something fluttering in his stomach at the sight of Harry smiling. It’d been awhile since he’d seen him last. Louis had hoped Harry would be here. He wonders if Harry knew Louis would be here. Deep in his heart he questions if they will ever move past the friendship stage. Does Harry experience these deep feelings too? Louis can only hope. 

"Louis! You’re here!” Harry spots him and excuses himself from his company and quickly comes over to envelope Louis in a bear hug. “How lovely to see you!” he says with a shimmer in his bright green eyes. The cream-colored silk shirt and matching formal trousers show off Harry’s toned body. Louis has to avert his eyes, to keep from staring at his friend’s physique.

"Hello Harry.It’s good to see you too. How have you been?" Louis says with a smile. ** **

"Good. I’m good.” Harry replies, keeping his hands on Louis’ shoulders. “How about you, globe-trotter?”

"I’m very well, thank you. I’m here for the summer, so perhaps we can catch up soon?”

"So I heard. I’m looking forward to spend some time together, catch up." Harry says softly. “I have missed you.” ** **

Louis takes in a shaky breath. A few minutes pass in silence.

“I missed you too.” He finally replies, looking up at Harry. His heart skips a beat as he sees the warm look in his friend’s eyes. “Now, where is the birthday girl?” he asks, while he looks around for his aunt. Harry removes his hands from Louis’ shoulders and slowly guides him towards the seat where Serafine is sipping from her wine. ** **

"Serafine, look who I found!" Harry calls. ** **

"Louis, my dear! You made it!” Serafine holds out her right hand and Louis takes it and softly kisses the top of her hand. “You’re awfully late, dear. Those blasted airplanes, hardly ever on time.” ** **

“You can’t blame British Airways for the bad weather in New York, aunt.” Louis teases her. Serafine doesn’t like to travel on commercial flights; she prefers her own private jet on her travels across Europe.

"Well, let’s toast to British Airways and thank them to have you landed safely on British soil again, shall we?” Serafine calls one of the waitresses to bring Louis a glass of wine, he’s not a fan of bubbles. ** **

“She never changes, does she?” Harry murmurs in Louis’ ear. Louis smiles and whispers back.

“Nope, let’s be grateful for that.” ** **

“I’ll talk to you later. “Harry says, Louis nods. He watches Harry go. Anyone who would look at Louis now would guess his true feelings for the young man that just strode away to mingle with the other guests on the lawn. He needs to get a grip on his feelings. Harry may never feel for Louis what Louis feels for Harry and Louis’ heart isn't ready for that. What if Harry pushes him away? It would destroy their lifelong friendship. Louis couldn’t bear it. No, today he’ll focus on celebrating his aunt’s birthday and reacquaint with her guests instead of watching a dream fade away into nothingness. ** **

“Happy birthday, aunt. You look radiant today.” Louis toasts his glass with his aunt’s.

“Thank you, dear. Isn’t it lovely today. Perfect weather and all of my friends are here. What better way to celebrate the fact that I turned 50 today?” Serafine smiles as she watches the crowd happily. Louis nods and follows her gaze. He sees quite a few familiar faces, but also new faces of people he hasn’t met before.

“It’s perfect, aunt. Now I shall throw myself amongst your guests and greet some of your friends.” He winks at her.

“Please be nice to Nick.” She says with a stern voice. Louis bemusedly raises an eyebrow.

“You heard me.” She says before she turns back to an older woman sitting next to her.

Small round tables draped in white linens are placed on the lawn. Flower arrangements are placed in the middle of each table. Gold coloured balloons marked with the numbers 50 attached on chairs and tables with ribbons are swaying softly in the summer breeze. People wave smilingly at Louis as he makes his way to the lawn. He sees Harry surrounded by a group of older women, some of them look at him with deep adoration. He’d give anything if Harry would look at him some day, like those ladies do at Harry now. Maybe one day Harry will experience those deep feelings for Louis in return. He can’t imagine anyone but Harry by his side in the future. What if he doesn't reciprocate those feelings? Will friendship be enough for Louis?

"Hello, gorgeous," a woman says as she drapes her arm around Louis and kisses his cheek lightly.

"Hello Solange." Louis smiles and returns the kiss. Solange Pereira, his aunts best friend, the flirtiest and most passionate woman in the world, and like his aunt, a totally free spirit. It’s no wonder Serafine and Solange are best friends, they share the same views on life and men. She eyes Louis from head to toe and winks, as she sips from her glass of bubbles. ** **

"You look more handsome every time we meet. If only I were younger." She sighs. Louis laughs. It’s an intermittent sentence whenever he meets Solange. Then she turns and smiles teasingly and whispers to Louis. “Look who’s coming this way.” Louis follows Solange’s gaze and sees Harry Styles approaching them. "Well, hello Mr. Styles. Looking gorgeous as always.” She stretches her arm and Harry kisses her hand like a true gentleman. Louis feels a little weak in his knees. The effect the man has on him is truly ridiculous.

"Thank you, Solange. You look beautiful this afternoon; the belle of the ball. Don’t tell Serafine I said that, though." He sweetly replies.Louis snorts softly; Harry Styles, the charmer in action. Harry winks at Louis, Louis shakes his head with a smile.

"Oh Harry, be a sweetheart and go fetch me another glass of this divine champagne, will you?" Solange asks, rather commands. ** **

"Certainly." Harry replies and walks towards one of the waitresses carrying a tray.

"He’s rather charming, isn’t he?" Solange turns to Louis. “You like him, a lot, don’t you?”

"He’s my friend." Louis says, trying to disguise his embarrassment. If Solange is making such a remark, who else is assuming? Louis looks around the garden and sees Nick Grimshaw and his aunt chatting with a group of people he doesn’t know. Probably nobody. A sigh escapes him. "You _ know _ he’s my best friend. We grew up together, remember? Of course I like him a lot.”He clears his throat and smiles at the woman beside him.

"You know that’s not what I meant." Solange’s voice is soft as she pats his shoulder. “Don’t wait too long. I hear he has an arrangement with that awful Ainsley girl.” ** **

"Right." Louis almost chokes on his drink. Solange gives him a side hug. She is as tall as Louis, with long dyed blond, hair and grey eyes. And although she likes to challenge and charm people, there’s also a softness to her, always a little protective over her best friend’s nephew. Louis considers her another aunt, he’s known her since Serafine took him under her wing.

"I just thought you should know.” She replies. Harry comes back with a glass of champagne and two glasses of wine.‘Thank you, dear.” Solange accepts her glass and then moves to another group of people. Harry watches her go with amusement and replies with a giggle.

"You’re welcome.” He hands Louis a glass of wine. “Why did she leave? What were you discussing?"

"You," Louis says teasingly.Harry runs his hand through his curls.

"Uh-oh. Am I in trouble?" He asks, while he stares at Louis with his bright green eyes. His gaze drops to Louis’ lips. Louis feels a sensation flow through him, warm and tingling. ** **

"No, no… of course not. Don’t be silly.” Louis replies. It’s him that’s in trouble, but he can’t tell Harry that."She just said that you’re charming.” he continues truthfully, staring at Harry while he unbuttons the two top buttons of his shirt, it’s getting rather hot outside. Harry follows the movement of Louis’ hand, glances at the revealed skin of Louis’ tanned neck and chest. 

"Let’s go bother Nick." Louis suggests, suddenly feeling nervous in Harry’s company. Harry looks a little disappointed, but nods nevertheless.

They join the small crowd that is gathered around Serafine and Nick. ** **

"Look, who’s finally decided to pay us a visit." Nick looks at Louis with a blank face. ** **

“Missed me, Grimshaw?” Louis retorts. 

“Not really.” Nick replies and then turns to Harry with a smile. “Well hello, Mr. Styles. How lovely to see you.” Harry giggles and Louis rolls his eyes. His aunt shakes her head with a smile. Nick Grimshaw and Louis have a weird chemistry; there’s always a little tension between them and Louis can’t remember when or how it started. Harry and Nick, on the other hand, get along really well. "I haven’t seen you since the Ainsley’s Shooting Party. Mr. Ainsley told me the news; I hear congratulations are in order. Well done, Styles. The richest girl in the county is going to be your wife.” Nick claps Harry on the shoulder. Harry laughs a little awkward, when the rest of the party congratulates him too.

“Well, well. That is news. I didn’t know you had wedding plans?” Louis says solemnly. Solange had been right; Louis has waited too long to show Harry how he feels about him.

"Uhm… eh, no wedding plans yet, but yeah, my parents and the Ainsleys have come to an agreement.” Harry replies quietly.

“Cheer up, mate. Marriage doesn’t have to be bad, just look at us?” James Corden, an entertainer, wraps his arm around his wife Julia and they smile at each other. “I’m the luckiest man on earth. I have a lovely wife and three adorable children, even if I say so myself.” He kisses his wife on her cheek. Harry bites his lip as he watches the couple. Louis knows, James hasn’t convinced Harry. He wonders if Harry had a say in his arrangement. It’s not yet common, but lately an increasing amount of young people are involved in their parents’ choice for their future spouse.

“You do make a great couple.” Harry agrees. “I guess I’m just nervous now that the arrangement is made.” ** **

“Very understandable, my dear boy. Everyone is. It’ll work out, I’m sure.” And with that James and Julia, remove themselves from their company and head to the garden. ** **

Harry sighs as he watches them go.

“I hope he’s right.” He whispers, only audible for Louis. ** **

“You want to take a walk?” Louis asks quietly. Nick has taken up conversation with another guest. Louis gives him a small wave as he guides Harry to the garden. Together they walk in silence until they reach a secluded bench overlooking the lake. They sit down close to each other. “Do you want to talk about it? You never mentioned your arrangement in our exchanged letters. Aren’t you looking forward to marrying Catherine?” Louis has never met her, but he knows the family name; they’re a big name in the riding world. ** **

“I love my parents, you know I do.” Harry starts. He leans his arms on his knees and stares at the lake.

“Of course you do; they’re great people.” Louis replies.

“Yeah. They are happy together; their arrangement worked out fine. I just wished they’d involved me in their choice, asked me how I felt about Catherine becoming my future wife. I know it’s not very common yet, but I’d have loved to have a say in it, you know.” A deep sigh escapes him. "Why didn’t they?” He looks down at his shoes.Louis places his hand on Harry’s arm. ** **

"Haven’t you asked them? I mean, it is your future, don’t they want you to be happy? I’m probably not the right person to comment on this, since… well, you know our views on arranged marriage. Maybe you should ask your parents?” Louis says carefully. Harry clearly isn’t happy with the arrangement.

“Why should I? The agreement is signed, there’s nothing I can do about it; you know how it works.” Harry snaps.

“Unless Catherine is as against it as you are. How does she feel about it?” Louis asks, ignoring Harry’s changing mood. He’s never seen Harry like this. ** **

“Louis, you heard about the Ainsleys. They’re a big name in the racing and polo world. My father owns a lot of land near the Ainsley Estate; they want to expand their breeding programme, my father has the land. Besides, my father and Mr. Ainsley are friends That's why they arranged for Catherine and me to marry; I should have seen it coming. There have been hints in the past, but I just chose to ignore them. I didn’t think they would make an arrangement without my consent. I’ve been ignorant and stupid.” He looks up at Louis, there are tears in his beautiful green eyes. Louis’ heart breaks for him. He wants to hold him and tell him how much he wants him, but that would only make matters worse. 

“You’re not stupid.You’re a lovely man, always remember that. I’m here for you, if you need me. I’ve decided to stay here."

It wasn’t a sudden decision, he’s been toying with the idea of settling permanently at the estate. Even though he was going to stay the summer already, he might as well make his stay permanent. He feels it’s the right decision; he can run his company from here. He’s been flying all over the world during the past few years, overseeing the build of the new hotels in their family chain, now that the New York Tomlinson hotel is up and running he can step back for a while. Hepburn Estate is his home. A chance to relax for a while. Despite his success, it is a life that still doesn’t belong to him. True, he loves the thrill of finding the perfect spot for a new hotel, renovate properties to fit the purpose, but the thrill only lasts for a short time, it’s not a satisfying occupation. Once the hotels are ready, he’s already looking for the next property to be converted into an exclusive Tomlinson hotel. He needs his home, the peace and quiet of country living, the fresh air, and his family and friends. He’s been away too long. Harry looks at him in surprise. ** **

"You’ll stay? Here?" he asks a little strained. Louis nods.

“I’ll stay. We’ll have the best summer, enjoy ourselves. We’ll get together with Liam and Niall. How about that?”

"Oh my God, that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time!" Harry wraps his arms around Louis’ shoulders and whispers. “You’re the best, you know that? This is exactly what I need.”

"Me too."

"You missed us, didn’t you?." Harry’s mood has changed instantly after Louis’ suggestion.

"Maybe...." Louis leans his back against the bench back, his hands rest on his legs.

Harry rubs his chin, while mischief dances in his eyes.

‘So, is this going to be a summer like the ones we had before?’ ** **

Louis bursts out in laughter and begins counting on his fingers as he lists things to do this summer. “Have fun, picnics, boating, outdoor activities, indoor activities although we might have to adjust the rules to snogging with fit people, since the three of you are all spoken for.” Louis winks, Harry pouts.”So yeah, just like the old days when we were young and free.”

They high five and get up, heading back to the party. 

***

Louis checks the summer house while Harry makes them coffee and then joins Louis outside on the terrace. "I love this place better than the main house," Louis says as he accepts a mug from Harry. "It’s quiet, secluded and private."

"Away from Serafine and her friends." Harry sips his coffee and settles on the wicker chair. Louis chuckles.

"That too. I think I’m going to move in here instead of in the main house." 

“Sounds like a plan; you’ll have your privacy and Serafine hers.”Harry says as he drapes his long legs over the armrest and lets them dangle. He looks lovely like this; relaxed and at home.Only the sight of Harry sitting on the terrace of ‘his’ summer house is giving Louis warm feelings. What would he give if Harry would stay with him at the house, just Harry and him. He knows he’s being selfish, but he can’t help wishing.

"Did you mean it when you said you were staying? "

"Yeah." Louis looks out over the lake. "I’d love to. I’d like to settle here, find a partner to spend time with. Instead of flying around the world, rebuilding and renovating old properties."

"So you’re not entirely opposed to marriage then?” Harry asks curiously.

"No, I’m not." Louis laughs a little. "But I wish to marry someone I choose and who wants to spend his life with me in return too. I’m against arranged marriage, but you know that.” ** **

Harry sets his mug down on the table and gets up to stand next to Louis. His hand touches Louis’ arm. He whispers.

“I hope you find that person. I can’t imagine how that would work, but it sounds nice.”

"It does, doesn’t it" Louis says, quickly looking away. "I have to believe it is possible. I can’t imagine what it will be like marrying someone you don’t feel connected to, who doesn’t share any of your views, your interests or worse doesn’t care for you.” He then turns to Harry. “Do you like Catherine?” ** **

Harry’s breath hitches, he bites his lip and he tucks his hands in the pockets of his trousers, then quietly shakes his head.

"No, I don’t." Harry searches Louis’ eyes for understanding ."That is bad, isn’t it?" The words come straight from Harry’s heart and Louis can see the desperation in Harry’s eyes. Moments pass before Louis speaks. ** **

"Oh Harry, I’m so sorry to hear this."

"What do I do?" Harry asks quietly. "I have no idea what to do, the arrangement is made, everyone involved is content with the outcome."

"Except for you." Louis finishes the sentence for Harry. He wants to take him in his arms and tell him he’ll be alright, but he can’t. It’s not up to him; he can only let Harry vent and be the best friend he can be. ** **

“I need to go. Will I see you tomorrow?” Harry asks as he takes his keys from the pocket of his jacket. “Of course you will. Drive safely and get some rest, love. " Louis touches Harry’s cheek briefly. Harry leans into the touch with a sad smile on his face and then leaves.

Louis hears Harry starting his car and drive away. He never tires of being around him; he pictures them together as partners for life. They could be good together. It’s wishful thinking, he knows it, but he can’t help but hope for a miracle.

He steps inside the summer house and walks upstairs to the master bedroom. A breeze blows the curtains softly to and fro. Louis closes the windows and curtains and starts to undress. Once he’s lying in bed, snuggled under the duvet, he feels the tiredness of the long day wash over him. And it doesn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

***

Louis steps into the office space of the summer house and sips from his Yorkshire tea; he’s missed his favourite blend while being overseas. He sees piles of papers, old magazines and files. He contemplates turning around and step away from it. It’s his own mess, but he doesn’t really feel up to clearing the desk right now, maybe he should leave it for another day. It’s mostly old documents that should be filed neatly into a cabinet. With a sigh he sits down at the desk and stares at the mess in front of him, shakes his head and gets up again. “Not today.”

The sky is a soft blue and the sun is shining bright. He walks towards the lake and perches himself on the bench at the lakeside, he crosses his legs and stares ahead. The surface of the lake is smooth, the surrounding trees reflect in the water. The silence surrounds him, only disturbed by the morning calls of early birds. His thoughts go back to his college years when the four of them; Harry, Liam, Niall and Louis were rowing on the lake, swimming in it and having fun together. It feels like ages ago. His friends are getting married soon and Louis will be left behind as everyone move on with their lives, while Louis just works and pines for a man he can’t have. 

His hand touches the old wood of the bench. His fingers find the carved heart on the side of the bench, he can still feel the L and the H on each side of the heart that he carved there many years ago, still under the assumption that Harry and him would always be together. It’s all he has now, the carved heart, the memories. Oh how he wished he’d made a move on Harry a long time ago. Would Harry’s family have agreed? Or would it have been in vain and had the Ainsley arrangement already been prepared without them knowing.

Tears fil his eyes, but he is fighting them back. He stretches his legs out in front and pushes himself to standing. “I wish I knew how you feel about me.” Louis stares into the blue of the sky as if he’s expecting the answer to fall from the air in front of his feet.

He takes a deep breath and turns to go back to the house, decides to tackle the piles on his desk. He looks through the magazines and papers; most of the paperwork he throws into a paper bin, the magazines he piles up and places them on the coffee table in the living room.

He pours himself a coffee and stares through the window. Bright green leaves glitter against the cloudless blue sky. He opens the window and breathes in the fresh summer air. He realises bit by bit how much he’s missed this, the peace and quiet of the estate and its surroundings. "Home at last."

"Louis? Are you at home?" a male voice calls

"I'm in the living room, Harry." He turns around and stares smilingly at the man standing in the doorway. Bright green eyes smile back at him. Harry’s wearing a crisp white button-down with sleeves rolled up , exposing his slightly tanned wrists and arms. Louis wonders how it would feel to be held by these arms, to feel the caress of Harry’s large hands on his skin. He’d give anything to have this gorgeous man as his partner. In the back he hears the grandfather clock chiming.

"Did you get a good night’s sleep?" Harry asks.

"Actually, I did, yes." Louis says. “You?” Harry’s smile quickly fades, he shakes his head.

“Not really, couldn’t stop thinking about… you know…” He sighs.

Louis moves closer to him, placing his hand on Harry’s shoulder, which flusters Harry. "I wish I could do anything to make you feel better."

Harry looks at Louis. "To be here and you’re saying that, already makes me feel a little better. I’ve missed you so much.” He wraps his arms around Louis’ shoulders in an embrace. Louis holds him, caresses Harry’s back in comfort.

"Are you scared of what’s to come?" Louis whispers.

"Yeah." Harry whispers in return, still holding Louis. “I'm afraid of making the wrong decision, even though the decision wasn’t mine. It feels wrong to marry Catherine, just because of the convenience that our family’s estates border each other. We still have to live together, we only have one life to live. I can’t help it, it just feels wrong. But to undo the arrangement feels wrong too." Harry reluctantly lets Louis go, stepping back a little in embarrassment, his arms fall to his sides. He looks up at Louis. "Do you think it’s childish of me to be so scared?"

"Harry, this is your life. I wish I could tell you what to do, but we both know I can't. But I’m here if you want to talk, I’ll listen. I support you, whatever you decide to do.” Louis touches Harry’s shoulder softly. How he wishes he could tell Harry to ‘dump’ Catherine and be with him instead. Harry nods in understanding.

"Are you here to help me clean up the house?” Louis changes the subject, wiggles his eyebrows. Harry grins and shakes his head.

“Nope, sorry. I’m actually on my way to the gallery.”

“Ah of course. Any new talented painter you’ve discovered?”Harry nods excitedly.

“I’ve got two of Malik’s paintings hanging in the gallery; he’s phenomenal. You should come and visit soon. I’ve decorated the studio on the first floor so I can stay over if need to. It’s quite cosy. “Harry looks a little worried, Louis raises an eyebrow. ** **

“Why? You’ve never stayed over before, have you?”

“No, it’s just… a precaution.” Harry says as his gaze moves to the window. And now Louis is worried. Why does he need a studio to live in as a precaution? What’s he planning?

“Do you want to talk about it?” Louis offers with concern. Harry shakes his head.

“Maybe later. Right now, I have to leave. Dinner tonight?” Louis smiles and nods.

“Dinner tonight; I’ll make us something nice. Have a good day Harry.” He walks Harry back to his car and watches him drive away in his Morgan and waves until the car is no longer in sight.

Louis’ worries remain with him for the rest of the day. Something is very wrong with Harry and Louis is determined to find out what it is that has made his charming, fun-loving and optimistic best friend into an insecure and worry-some mess. Louis is sure there’s more to it than just the arrangement with Catherine Ainsley. The urge to clean the house has left him, instead he walks outside and around the summer house. ** **

A car door slams shut and Louis looks up, curious as to who his next visitor is. ** **

"Niall," Louis exclaims as he hurries to meet his Irish friend. "What a great surprise to see you!" Niall and Louis have been friends since they met at uni. He’s loud and is the best guitar player Louis knows.

"What's wrong?" Niall asks, his bright blue eyes looking at Louis, sensing immediately that something is bothering Louis. ** **

"It’s Harry. He just left. I’m worried about him.” Louis blurts out. Harry is their mutual friend and Niall’s golf partner.

"Oh, I see." Niall says. "Is it about the arrangement? He’s really upset about it. I wish we could do something to help him come to terms with it."

"I think there’s more than just the arrangement. Something is wrong. I suppose you don’t know either what could be worrying him, do you?"

"No. I thought it was just the arrangement." Niall eyes Louis quizzically.

"Anyway. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company." Louis asks, changing the subject.

“Nick said you were back, so I thought I drop by on my way to London.” Niall throws his arm around Louis and squeezes. "I’ve missed you, mate.” Louis smiles and pats Niall’s shoulder.

“I’m here for the summer at least. I might even stay and settle here, so I’m not going anywhere for a while.” ** **

"That’s great news. I'm heading to London today," Niall repeats. "But it’s only for a few days. We’ll have to get together, the four of us, when Liam can find time to spend with us. He’s busy planning his wedding and you know him, he doesn’t leave anything to chance.” Niall winks. Louis laughs. He’s already picturing Liam with wedding fever; he’s going to need a day out with his mates soon. Niall jumps back in his car and starts the engine, waves exaggeratedly at Louis and speeds off, the gravel crunching under the wheels of the car and leaving Louis in a cloud of dust. He shakes his head. Niall will never change, nor does Louis want him to.

“That was delicious!” Harry compliments Louis as he leans back in his chair at the dining table. “Your cooking has improved tremendously over the years.” He teases. Louis snorts. Harry is right though, his cooking skills were poorly until they graduated from uni. He never liked it very much, still doesn’t, but as he grew older he knew he had to master the basic skills of cooking if he didn’t want to starve. He couldn’t always rely on hotel chefs cooking him dinner, nor could he survive on fastfood and take-a-way, so he asked the hotel chefs of the Tomlinson chain to teach him how to cook a decent meal and it paid off apparently, since Harry now is looking contentedly, rubbing his stomach with a huge smile on his face. Louis does prefer this version of Harry.

“I had the best chefs teaching me on my business trips; I’m glad you approve.” Louis replies. “Fancy another glass of wine?” ** **

“I shouldn’t, I still have to drive home.” Harry’s face turns into a grimace. Louis is now sure there’s something going on at the Styles’ estate that has Harry reluctant to drive home.

“You can crash here, if you want. I like the company.” Louis offers, partly out of concern for Harry and partly out of selfish reasons. It would mean Harry would be with him for a while longer.

“I’d like that, thanks Lou." Harry says gratefully. Louis pours him another wine and they walk to the living room to take a seat by the fireplace, that Louis lit just before dinner. Even though it is summer, the evenings are still very chilly, especially in grand houses, although the summer house is just average in size, compared to the manor house Serafine resides in. ** **

"Haz, what’s going on?" Louis asks quietly when they’ve been silent for a while, staring at the fire, both off in their own thoughts.

"I’m thinking about how unfair life is and wondering how I could turn back time, just a few years." Louis looks at him. Harry looks lost.

"It’s not just the arrangement with Catherine Ainsley, is it?” Louis asks carefully.

"No, it’s not." Harry lets out a deep breath. "Truthfully, I fear that my family’s financial state is not stable. Father doesn’t say anything, but I’ve started to notice small things for a while now. He’s sold a few of his favourite cars, he’s closed the west wing of the house, fired excessive staff. I’m worried." His voice quivers as he talks. "I wish they would include me, talk to me. I am an adult, not a child. Their silence scares me." he whispers.

"I see.” Louis says, a little shocked by Harry’s revelation.”Is that why you decorated the studio? As a hideaway? A safe place, just in case?” Harry nods, there are stray tears running over his cheeks. He quickly wipes them away.

“I feel so helpless. Everything has been decided for me, without me, I’m never involved in any decision they make, even when it’s about my life. I know they love me, Louis, but they can’t shelter me forever. I’m sure they have my best interests at heart, but for once I would like to be consulted, informed about what’s happening.” He says through his tears, a little angry.

His hands reach for Louis’. Louis holds both Harry’s large hands in his much smaller ones. ** **

"Harry, you need to talk to your parents. Surely, they will understand your concern about your family’s well-being. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help, take the burden off their shoulders a bit.” He rubs Harry’s knuckles softly. “I'll help, if I can. You know I will, you and your family are important to me. Your home is my second home. If there’s anything I can do to help, I’d like to know. Let's go outside and get some fresh air," he suggests, trying to shake away the blues. Harry follows him out of the room and onto the terrace. The garden and lake are lit by moonlight, looking serene. They stand next to each other, breathing in the fresh air of the summer night, listening to the sounds of wildlife at night. There’s something soothing about being outside in the stillness of the night. It pushes the sadness away. Harry takes Louis’ hand in his and squeezes softly. They don’t speak, they just stand there, listening to nature’s evening music. It feels right for Harry to be here, beside Louis.

***

Even though thoughts of Harry fill every inch of his mind, body and soul, Louis tries to push them aside. He finishes cleaning the office, files the last of important business papers away and feels rather pleased with himself. He snuggles into the black leather chair and picks up a magazine Harry had left behind. It’s some kind of art magazine Louis has never heard of.

"Exhibits”. With interest he scans the list of art exhibitions and smiles when he spots the name of Harry’s gallery “Kiwi”. He grins at the name. Harry came up with the name after a night of partying with Louis and their friends. Once sober, the boys didn’t think of it anymore, until they received the invitation, inviting them to the opening of the “Kiwi” gallery by its owner Harry Styles. He loves Harry’s sense of humour. He ought to visit.Without any hesitation he grabs his wallet, his phone and his car keys and jumps into his car, on his way to town, on his way to the gallery. ** **

The gallery is located in the artist area of town, nestled between a craft shop and an art supply shop. The facade of the gallery is a modern sleek black shiny surface, which makes it the eye catcher in the street. Above the entrance in silver plated letters there’s a sign telling Louis he’s arrived at the right place; KIWI, in a big bold font. ** **

Louis opens the door and is welcomed by the smell of fresh flowers and soft ambient music. Despite the black, sleek exterior of the gallery, the interior has a warm cosy feeling to it, a combination of black, cream and green colours on the walls, ceilings and hardwood floors throughout the gallery. ** **

"Harry? Are you here?” ** **

“He’s upstairs in the studio.” A woman’s voice comes from behind. ** **

“Geraldine! I didn’t know you worked here.” Louis exclaims. Geraldine is one of Serafine’s acquaintances, a tiny woman, hair in a bun and bright red lips. ** **

“Hello Louis. I help out occasionally, you know I love art and I admire Harry’s choices in the art he exhibits. Now off you go, I’m sure he’s happy to see you.” She winks and turns to the reception desk. Louis wonders how many of his aunt’s friends know of his affection for Harry Styles. Apparently it’s clear to everyone but the man himself. He sighs quietly. Louis walks upstairs to the studio where he finds Harry, studying two paintings, his gaze focussed and a frown between his brows.

"Hi.” he says softly. He doesn’t want to startle him. Harry turns around and smiles when he sees Louis. 

"Hi!" Harry greets him happily. "What a nice surprise!"

"I just thought I’d drop by and see for myself how you transformed the studio."

"Okay. And what do you think?" Harry asks curiously.

"It looks nice, and so does downstairs." Louis compliments him. Harry beams.

"You like it?”

“I do.”

"What were you doing?" Louis points to the paintings that are sitting on a desk.

"Picking out the right painting for my studio. They’re both Maliks. Which one do you think I should pick?"

Louis holds up his hands."Don’t ask me, I know nothing about art. I’d just pick the one that I think would look nice."

"That is a way of choosing." Harry replies and turns back to the paintings. “I’ll decide later. Can I get you a drink?”

"You’ve done wonders with the studio." Louis says as they sit down on the brown leather couch.

"It’s not entirely finished, but I like it so far. It feels more ‘home’ than the estate.” Harry looks around the room and frowns when his eye catches sight of the paintings again. Louis smiles. He had no idea it would be so hard to choose a painting for living quarters; he never really thought about it. ** **

"As a developer I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort into decorating and making it a true home. It’s really lovely." Louis says, he rests his hand on Harry’s arm. Harry’s gaze goes to his hand as a blush appears on his face colouring his cheeks a soft pink. "You’ve got immaculate taste.”He glances up at Harry and they stare deeply into each others' eyes. Louis caresses Harry’s arm and then pulls away. Harry stares at him with wide eyes. Louis knows he has to avert his gaze, move away, but instead he leans in. Harry swallows and licks his lips. Louis is so close, their lips almost touch. Louis comes to his senses just in time and pulls back again. He glances up at Harry who looks puzzled. They need to talk, but not here, not now. Louis just risked destroying their friendship. Harry stays silent. Something just changed in their friendship, but if it’s a good or a bad change, Louis can’t tell.

“I have to run some errands, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Louis’ voice quivers a little as he stands up. Harry is still quiet, but he looks up and nods, clearly still confused by what almost happened between them.

Outside Louis takes a deep breath and rubs his face with both hands and tells himself. “It’s not meant to be.” He takes a seat behind the wheel of his car and instead of driving home he takes the A road to the sea. A walk along the beach will do him good, take his mind off of the man he’ll never have.

Even though he enjoys the breeze caressing his face, the sand between his toes and the smell of the sea; his mind keeps drifting to curly hair and wide green eyes and a friendship that may have ended.

***

At home he takes a long hot bath and a cup of tea. He relaxes while he’s soaking in the bathtub. He takes deep breaths and exhales until he’s feeling the tension, that has been there since he almost kissed Harry, slip away. He sinks lower into the water, lets the water tickle his chin and closes his eyes for a moment and enjoys the movement and warmth of the bathwater. He stays in the tub until the water cools off, unplugs the stop and crawls out over the edge of the tub when all the water has drained. He towels himself dry and walks into his bedroom. He puts on grey jogging bottoms and a white band T-shirt. His stomach grumbles and reluctantly Louis walks downstairs to make himself dinner, even though he really just wants to lie on the bed and enjoy a late nap, but he knows if he falls asleep now, he’ll be tossing and turning, lying awake all night. 

He finds some leftover pasta and makes a salad. He pours iced water in a glass and takes his dinner with him outside on the terrace, the temperature is still nice and he enjoys his solitary dinner, watching butterflies chasing each other from flower to flower, listening to birds twittering in the surrounding trees. His phone rings. He’s about to silence it, but then sees it’s Niall calling him.

"Tommo! How are you?”

“Uhm, I’m fine… why do you ask?” Louis asks a little apprehensive. Why on earth would Niall call him asking that question?

“I just got off the phone with Harry…” Niall continues. Then there’s silence. ** **

“I see.” Louis says after a while. “What did he say?” He’s feeling nervous. Did Harry tell Niall about their almost kiss? Does he hate Louis now?

“He’s confused and scared. What happened between the two of you?”

“He didn’t tell you… the specifics?” Louis is anxious. What did Harry tell Niall?

“No, he just said you came to see him at Kiwi and something almost happened, that you left and now he’s feeling confused and scared.” Niall says quietly. “What happened, Louis?”

"Nothing. I mean, I almost kissed him, but… nothing really happened.” Louis replies. “I like him Niall, a lot. I will always feel that way about him, I know I have no right to, he’s getting married after all, but I can’t help it. I’ve always felt things for him, affection, protection, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t feel this way about him. It’s that deeper feeling my aunt and her friends always rave about. I’m sure that’s what it is. And before you tell me I’m silly and that I should move on. I know all that in my head, but my heart isn’t willing to comply. It beats wildly when I’m around him. It’s hard, Niall.” Louis ends his heartfelt outburst. Niall is silent for a while.

“Will you tell him?” He finally asks Louis.

Louis pauses for a moment, the serene feeling of earlier has vanished entirely. He feels trapped and nervous.

“I don’t know, Niall. Do you think I should? Risk our friendship, if I haven’t already destroyed that.”

Another silence follows, Louis grimaces. What if Niall tells him to give up on Harry? Could he do that? Give up on Harry? He knows Harry will always have a place in every corner of his heart, in his soul, regardless of Harry’s feelings for him. ** **

"It’ll be your last chance, Louis" Niall finally says. "I don’t think you’ll have another option. He’ll get married and will be unhappy, we both know that. He’s told us about his fears. Don’t you think it’s worth the risk?”

“What if he doesn’t reciprocate my feelings, Niall? Where will that leave us? I’d have lost my best friend and I don’t think I can bear that. I don’t think I should burden him with anymore than he already has to deal with.”

"What makes you so sure the feeling isn’t mutual? I think you confused and scared him, but it doesn’t have to be negative. What if he realises he cares for you in the same way as you do for him? "  
  
"Niall! He has an arrangement for God’s sake. There’s so much at stake if he pulls out of the arrangement. Just think about the consequences that will have for the entire Styles family!!”

“Just… just think about it, alright? You don’t want him to be unhappy for the rest of his life, do you?”

“No, of course I don’t!” Louis replies a little annoyed.

“Then do something about it. You might be the only one who can make that difference in his life. Sometimes you have to take risks in life, mate.” ** **

Niall hangs up after that and Louis leans back in his chair, feeling exhausted after their conversation. His mind is spinning and he doesn’t know what to do. Maybe he should just go to bed, listen to some relaxing music and hopefully fall asleep without Harry Styles and Niall Horan disturbing his night’s rest in his dreams.

***

A few days pass by without a sign from Harry, nor does Louis try to contact him. Instead he occupies himself with cleaning up the rooms in the summer house and having dinner with his aunt at the main house. She doesn’t pry although Louis can see she knows something is bothering him. On Sunday morning when Louis comes around for coffee, because he honestly doesn’t know what to do anymore. She says.

“Shall we have our coffee outside?"  
  
Nodding, Louis joins her. He sits on a lounge chair while Serafine takes place in her own chair and studies Louis’ face before she talks.

"What is bothering you, dear? Won’t you tell me?” She asks while staring at him. Louis sighs deeply.

“I just feel a little bored. I’m not used to doing nothing and now that I’ve cleaned the summer house I’m kind of lost a little.” He says truthfully. Although he’s kept out the main part why he’s feeling lost; Serafine isn’t fooled easily.

“You can work from home, you know that. You don’t have to sit idle.” She replies.”But that’s not all, is it? It’s Harry Styles.“Serafine doesn’t beat around the bush, never has.

“It’s Harry, yes. I miss him; I might have ruined our friendship.” He sighs.

“Why don’t you find out? According to Geraldine, Harry is moping around the gallery since your visit. His mind is somewhere else, she says. He can’t seem to focus on the exhibition. I think you need to talk to each other. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but whatever it is, you need to fix it. You belong together, besides I think he can do with a bit of support. I hear his father has severe financial troubles, apparently he made a few bad investments.” Serafine tells him. Louis looks up, not totally surprised. After what Harry’s told him about his parents closing a wing of the house, firing staff, he already had an inkling about what might be the reason for closing part of the house.

“You don’t look surprised. Did you know?” Serafine inquires. Louis nods.

“I had a feeling after what Harry’s told me about their domestic problems, but he’s being kept out of what’s happening at home, his parents don’t include him in their decisions, nor their problems. He only knows something’s going on. I think that’s why he’s transformed the space above the gallery into a flat, a place he can go to if necessary. Where did you hear about Styles’ financial trouble?”

“I have my sources, reliable sources. He’s been selling stock and even land for a while now. I hear that Ainsley bought some of the land and is threatening to undo the arrangement between Catherine and Harry if he keeps selling more land. Unless Desmond finds another solution, Ainsley might pull out of the arrangement due to violating the terms of agreement in the arrangement.” Serafine informs him.

“That is bad. I wonder how much Harry has heard, how much he knows. Are you sure it is that bad?” He asks his aunt. She nods.

“I’m afraid so. I think Desmond is in deep trouble.”

Questions fill Louis’ mind, but unless he talks to Harry, he won’t know the answers.

“I’ll talk to Harry.” He promises Serafine. She gives him an approving smile.

"Thank you for telling me." He says.

"Be his friend, Louis. I know your feelings for the boy. I’m certain you’re the right person for him, he just needs to discover what his feelings for you are. I’ve seen how he looks at you, how he is around you. You’d make the perfect couple. Just give Harry time to discover his true feelings. In the meantime, just be the friend you’ve always been."  
  
Louis chuckles humourless. Again those words; everybody seems to know how Louis feels about Harry Styles, but does Harry too? Or does he think their almost kiss was an accident? 

*******

“I’m glad you came." Louis says, sincerity filling his voice. Harry sits next to him on the bench on the side of the lake. Harry came out of nowhere, Louis had not expected Harry to come to the summer house, not after the way they parted at the gallery. Harry looks troubled. He looks at Louis; their looks say more than words. ** **

"I had to, I missed you." Harry quietly replies. ** **

"I missed you too. I just didn’t know if you wanted to see me after… you know, almost happened at your flat.” Louis’ voice is a little shaky.

“What exactly did happen? I’m confused, but I’m also scared. I… I don’t understand.”

“Don’t be scared.” Louis says with a small smile. Their almost kiss has triggered something in Harry, a feeling unknown before. Louis should feel happy about that, but he doesn’t, not when he sees Harry like this; like a frightened deer, caught in headlights, ready to run, but frozen to the spot, not knowing what to do.

“But I am. You’ve always been like a brother to me, my best friend, but now… something changed and I don’t know what I feel, all I know is that I need to be with you, I suddenly can’t seem to function without you around. I missed you so much, which is weird because over the years there have been months where I didn’t see you, because you were abroad for business. Why is it different now? Do you know?” Harry looks so confused and miserable. Louis sighs.

“Why do you think it’s different now?” ** **

“I don’t know, I wish I did. All I know is what I feel and it scares the hell out of me. You’re in my thoughts day and night. And… and… it feels good too?! How can that be?” Harry nervously runs his hand through his dark curls.

“I thinks it’s what my aunt and her friends call the ‘deep feelings’ , remember? I… I experience them too.” There, he said it out loud, right in front of Harry Styles. His hands grab the bench and hold tight, he’s waiting for Harry’s response. ** **

“For… me?” Harry looks at Louis in wonder.

“Yeah.” Louis blushes. Harry’s face morphs into something between disbelief and relief.

“So… what do we do now?” He asks Louis, as if Louis has the answer for him. Louis shakes his head.

“We can’t do anything about it. You’re promised to Catherine Ainsley, remember?” Harry’s face turns back into a grimace. ** **

“Oh. I see.” He kicks against a pebble. “You’re right of course.” ** **

Louis swallows hard and turns to him. "I’m sorry… for both of us. I think we could have been good together. We’ll still be friends, alright? Harry, don't ever fear asking me for help, if you need it. Even if we can’t be more, we can still be friends, like we always have been.Okay?"

Harry touches his cheek as tears rim his green eyes. Tears fall as he bends his head until the tears stop.

"Sorry," he says, accepting Louis’ handkerchief and using it to dry his eyes.

"Harry,please don't ever apologize for revealing your true feelings." Louis kneels in front of him and cups Harry’s chin in his hand. "It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Life has just played a nasty trick on us. It doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends. Your marriage to Catherine doesn’t have to change that, unless you want it to. You are an amazing man, Harry. Catherine doesn’t know how lucky she is to have you for her husband. I’ll always be your friend."

Minutes pass without either of them moving. Both trying to process what happened between them. Louis sees Harry struggling to pull himself together. He holds out his hand to offer help in getting up. Despite feeling miserable himself, he manages a small smile when Harry looks up. ** **

***** **

Louis drives to the Payne Estate. It’s been a long time since he saw his friend Liam. The winding country lane and the rolling green hills lighten his mood. The red brick mansion comes into view. The more time Louis spends in the area where he grew up, the more he enjoys being here, despite the heartbreak he’s experiencing. He parks the car into one of the few parking spaces next to the house. Liam sees him arriving.

“Hello Louis. It’s good to see you!” Liam hugs him as he steps out of his car.

“Thanks for inviting me.” ** **

“I was surprised to hear, you were staying. For good?” Liam asks curiously.

“That is my intention.” Louis answers truthfully. Even with Harry out of reach, he intends to make the summer house his permanent residence. He’s done travelling around the world, from hotel to hotel and no place to call his home.

"My parents are out today, but Elisabeth is looking forward to finally meeting my friend. She’s been teasing me, says I’m imagining you and that you don’t actually exist."

Louis smiles. He hasn’t met Liam’s fiancée until today; it’s about time he meets his friend’s future wife. They walk into the house. Louis looks around; nothing has changed inside. The floors are still covered with the same rugs that Louis remembers from his childhood, running up and down the corridor with his friend. ** **

They talk while walking to the drawing room.

"Remember we ran around these corridors pretending we were being chased by robbers? I remember you used a broom as your sword, almost knocking off the Chinese vase from the side table.” Louis remembers with a smile.

Liam chuckles.

“Oh yeah, it was the last time I was allowed to use the broom in the house.”

"We had so much fun. I’ll never forget those days.” Louis reminisces.

Liam opens the door to the drawing room and Louis sees a brunette with long hair and brown eyes curiously looking at him.

“This is Louis! Louis, meet my fiancée……Elisabeth Turner”

Louis holds out his hand for Elisabeth to shake.

“I’m so glad to finally meet you.” She smiles friendly.”I almost thought you didn’t exist.”

“I’m very much alive, as you can see. It’s nice to meet you too.”

They have lunch in the dining room and the couple informs Louis about their wedding plans so far. They fill him in about the venue, the guests they plan to invite and their future house, which is not far from the Payne residence.

“So, I hear you’ve been spending a lot of time with Harry." Liam says. Louis cringes at seeing the tilt of Liam’s head and the rise of his eyebrows. Liam waits for an answer. “How is Harry doing?” ** **

“He’s been better, but I can’t elaborate.” Louis replies, hoping that Liam will get the hint and steer the conversation to another topic. He isn’t going to talk about Harry in the presence of a complete stranger, because that’s what Liam’s fiancée is to Louis.

Liam drops the topic, and they resume talking about the wedding and Louis’ work, until Elisabeth has to leave for an appointment with her wedding dress maker.

She shakes Louis’ hand, kisses Liam’s cheek and leaves the room. Louis and Liam walk outside to the terrace overlooking the garden.

"What’s the story with Harry, Louis. I know he’s unsure about his arrangement; he’s told Niall and me on a night out."

"Yeah, he told me too. I wish we could help him. He’s really down about it.”

Liam sighs.

“Desmond and Ainsley have been plotting the arrangement since Catherine and Harry were little. They’re realistic and practical about the union between their families; it’s all business.”

"Which is what worries Harry. He doesn’t even like Catherine. He’s miffed that he wasn’t included in the decision about his future.” Louis says.

“I know, I can’t comprehend why parents would exclude their child from such a big decision.” Liam agrees. “But I’m sure Harry will make something of his life with Catherine; he still has the gallery, which he loves.”

“Yeah." Louis says quietly. ** **

"You have to move on, Louis.” Louis looks up in surprise. “Yeah, I know you like him a lot, but he’s going to get married soon. Don’t torture yourself, mate. You can’t change the inevitable and you know it.”

“I know. I wish I could, though.” Louis plays with the watch on his wrist. "How long have you known… about me liking Harry."

"Since we were at uni. You were simply glowing when Harry was around, always seeking him out, protecting him, teaming up with him when we’d play games. You were quite obvious." Louis goes silent. He had no idea he’d been so obvious about his feelings for Harry. He hadn’t been subtle at all and everyone around him had known for years, except for the man in question; he’s only known since a few days ago.

When he drives back he replays their conversation in his head. Maybe Liam has a point and Louis needs to move on, he can’t spend the rest of his life pining after Harry Styles.

***** **

****"Have you read the headlines in the newspaper?" Louis shakes his head; after a week, he’s still pondering over the conversations he’s had with both Liam and Niall about him and Harry. ** **

"What does it say?" He asks, more out of politeness than out of curiosity. Serafine gives him the newspaper and with the fiery red nail of her index finger she points to the headline of the newspaper.

"Styles Empire bankrupt!" The newspaper headline shouts. Louis' mouth falls open in surprise. It shouldn't be a surprise, there had been enough rumours lately, but he hadn't expected this news.

"Oh God! How terrible. ”Louis looks, still open mouthed, at his aunt. She doesn't seem very surprised; of course she had already known through her connections that things were not going well for Desmond Styles’ company, but still… bankruptcy? Louis had not expected the Styles’ situation to be as bad as that. ** **

"Read on." His aunt commands, at least, that's how it sounds in Louis' ears. In addition to the business, Styles has also been declared personally bankrupt, which means that the house and land will be sold through an auction that will take place on Saturday at the estate. Gallery "Kiwi" will also be auctioned. ** **

"Oh no; Harry's gallery! " Louis exclaims in horror.

"Exactly."Says his aunt. “I thought that by now Harry was the owner of the gallery and the studio, but apparently not. Poor boy. ”Serafine's face is clouded. It is clear that her heart goes out to the young Styles, who has lost everything overnight, without even knowing anything. Louis wonders how Harry is and where he is. He can’t help but think what the bankruptcy means for Harry's future; will Ainsley honour the agreement with Styles or will the intended marriage be canceled?

Louis calls the gallery, but the voice-mail only reports that the gallery is closed until further notice. Then he tries the house, but there is no answer either. In desperation he calls Niall; another voice-mail is answering. When he calls Liam, he’s relieved to hear his friend answering.

"I heard the bad news, yes." Liam says when Louis asks him if he has read the newspaper. But Liam also has no idea where the Styles family is currently staying. He suspects that they went into hiding at family, until the storm around the news has subsided. Liam promises to inform Louis if he hears where Harry is and Louis promises Liam the same in return.

On the way to the Styles estate, where the auction takes place, Serafine and Louis are silent, tension is in the air. Serafine hopes that she can get hold of a number of art objects and although Louis is a little annoyed at his aunt’s intentions and they almost got into a fight about it, he understands that if Serafine does not buy it, it will go to someone else. The objects are lost to the Styles family anyway. Louis has a very different reason to attend the auction and for that purpose he does not have to view the interior of the house, but out of politeness he walks through the house with Serafine. Touring the house makes him feel rather sad. Although the house is still the same, it feels empty with the paintings removed from the wall, the collection of oriental vases removed from the shelves in the hall. All of the Styles’ possessions are displayed on various tables throughout the house. Along the way they meet Solange. Serafine and Solange greet each other and Solange kisses Louis on the cheek. They talk softly to each other, Louis excuses himself after a while; he is not in the mood for idle chatting and walks through the house one last time, while the ladies view the displayed art objects together and note down which item they want to place a bid on. Louis walks from room to room among other people, mostly strangers; he remembers most rooms, such as the library where Louis, Harry, Liam and Niall spent many evenings during their university Christmas holidays. Serafine had hardly ever been at home at Christmas, because she hates the cold. She often spent the winter in some exotic place. That is why Louis usually spent the Christmas season with the Styles family at their home. Liam and Niall could often be found there as well. 

Louis looks around the library feeling a little melancholic as he turns around and walks to the kitchen. The large kitchen table where he and Harry often sat enjoying the cook's baking; they had tasted all kinds of cake while enjoying a mug of hot chocolate, while they laughed at the cook's jokes. Cook has been out of service for years now and the kitchen is almost empty, except for a few fixed kitchen appliances. Louis sighs deeply and closes the door behind him; no one else is interested in the kitchen. He walks upstairs where it is less crowded than downstairs. The photos of the family and the paintings featuring their ancestors have been removed from the walls, the spots where they were hanging are still visible on the wall, thanks to the discolouration of the wallpaper. He walks into 'his' old room, one of the many guest rooms; it is one of the smaller rooms, but Louis never minded; it was the room next to Harry's, that was what was most important. The bed and the desk are still there, both empty. He is looking out the window. The lawn is partly designed as a parking space to accommodate the amount of visitors with cars. The auction will take place in the lounge downstairs in an hour. When he stands in front of Harry's room, Louis hesitates; it feels strange just to walk into the room without knocking. But Harry is not there and the door is wide open for visitors who are hoping to find something to their liking. Louis walks in. Here too, the room is virtually empty, except for the bed, the desk and the wardrobe. All memorabilia, such as the cup that Harry had won at a golf tournament when they were in college and photos of Harry and his friends were also removed here. Louis wonders if Harry removed it or if the cup is also auctioned off. Tears form in his eyes at the thought of the latter; he hopes that Harry has been allowed to keep his most beloved belongings.

During the course of the week it had become apparent, that there was nothing left of the emporium of the once so powerful Desmond Styles. Apart from the fact that the company was not doing well and that Desmond had made a number of loss-making investments, it also appeared that he had large gambling debts; on the racecourse he had lost most of his personal wealth. The family had moved in with Anne's, Harry’s mother, great aunt, in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. Neither Liam, nor Niall nor Louis had succeeded in getting in touch with Harry. They mutually agreed that Louis would go to the auction to bid on any items that might mean a lot to Harry. Louis walks downstairs. He hardly sees familiar faces apart from Solange and Serafine and Mr. Ainsley. The man is sitting in the front row. His face is looking like a thunder cloud. Louis wonders what Ainsley hopes to get. Louis’ first thought is neighbouring land, that would have been part of the marriage agreement between Harry and Catherine. Does Desmond still own land? Louis wonders. He imagines that Styles senior might have already sold more parts of land to partly pay off his debts. Louis sees Serafine subtly waving at him in the middle row. Solange is sitting next to her. He asks them if they will bid on a lot and both ladies show him their list. The items don’t mean much to Louis, he is not an art connoisseur. Soon the room fills up and all seats are occupied. The auctioneer asks for attention and gives an introduction on the items that will be auctioned. Besides the items in the house, the house itself, the land (apparently there is still a lot of land), the cars and gallery Kiwi are auctioned.

Solange manages to pick up an Edwardian tableware, Serafine bids on a few paintings and a few sculptures; she manages to buy some. After most of the decorative items have been auctioned off, the auctioneer continues with the cars, which are sold in no time, including Harry’s Morgan. Then it's the gallery's turn. There was a viewing the day before. Louis didn’t go, because apart from the fact that he knows the gallery and the above studio, it didn’t feel right to be there without Harry. 

Except for Louis, there is an older lady who bids on the gallery. He doesn't know her; apparently Solange and Serafine don't either. Louis has set himself a limit; he won’t pay more than the market value of the property. He may be rich, but his wealth is not unlimited; not even for the man of his dreams. The lady apparently also has a limit, because after Louis' last bid, she shakes her head when the auctioneer looks at her. And suddenly Louis is the owner of gallery Kiwi. He is a bit overwhelmed; he did it. Solange smiles at him and Serafine lays her hand on his arm and winks. They are happy for him. In the meantime, the auction continues. Ainsley gets hold of the land and therefore is delighted. The house goes to a young man, who clearly does not offer for himself, but for a project developer. It pains Louis. Once the house is in the clutches of a project developer, anything can happen to it. They might turn the house into a hotel or apartments. There is no room for a resort, thanks to Ainsley, who has bought the surrounding land. 

** **

After the necessary papers have been signed, Louis helps his aunt and her friend load the purchased items into the cars and Serafine and Louis drive back home, again in silence. ** **

“Thank you for purchasing Kiwi; Harry will be happy.” Serafine says when they have brought the last of the auction items into the house safely, with the help of Serafine’s staff. Louis sighs.

"I hope so, aunt, I really hope so." He wishes her good evening and walks to the summer house with his hands in the pockets of his trousers. It had been a bizarre day and he doesn't know if he should be happy that he has succeeded in buying Kiwi or not. He has mixed feelings about the purchase. Still in thought, he pours himself a glass of whiskey; he needs it after such an exciting day.

He calls Niall first and then Liam with the message that he has partly succeeded in the mission, but that there were virtually no personal items from Harry in the house and so he had not been able to make an offer on any belongings of their friend. ** **

The key transfer is two days later; Louis does not know what to expect. Is Kiwi empty? Has Harry's flat been vacated? With a heavy feeling in his legs, he drives to the gallery and parks his car in front of Kiwi's door. From the car window he looks at the exterior; nothing seems to have changed, except that there is an unknown man in a tight black suit waiting at the door, who is undoubtedly the representative of the auction house. Louis sighs deeply and gets out of the car, locks the door and walks to the Kiwi entrance.

"Mr. Tomlinson?" The man asks. Louis confirms the question. The man introduces himself and opens the door of the gallery. Louis follows the man inside. The atmosphere is cold. The paintings have been removed, as well as the plants and other decorations that gave the interior a pleasant atmosphere the last time Louis was here.

"Shall we first look at the flat?" Although Louis would rather not go upstairs, he realizes that the man expects him to view the entire property so that he knows what he is buying or rather has bought, so he nods. ** **

****If the atmosphere downstairs in the gallery is chilly, the flat looks downright numb. All of Harry's personal items have been removed, only the furniture is in the same place where it was last time when Louis visited Harry and when they almost kissed. Louis blinks with his eyes to overcome the sudden rise of tears. He doesn't know what he expected when he drove here, but the cold atmosphere in the building frightens him, totally unexpected. There is something final about seeing the property without content, without feeling.  ** **

“Mr. Styles removed all of his possessions last week. However, he sent me a letter yesterday and asked me to hand it to you today. ”The man discreetly leaves Louis alone. ** **

With shaking hands, Louis opens the envelope, takes out the letter and unfolds it.

"_ Dear Louis _," the letter begins. It goes straight through Louis; Harry knows that he has bought Kiwi.

> _I wish you every success with the purchase of the gallery. I think I know why you bought the gallery and although I appreciate you trying to buy the gallery for me, I have to tell you that I have no interest in it.To me it would mean that I am, once again, traded for a relationship. This doesn't feel right, despite my feelings for you. You will undoubtedly think differently. Feel free to make something nice of the property or sell it on if necessary; after all, you are a businessman. _
> 
> _ As you will understand, a marriage with Catherine Ainsley is out of the question, her father has broken the agreement due to breach of terms of agreement. I can't say I'm sorry. Perhaps that is the only good thing that has come out of this huge mess. _ ** **
> 
> _ When you receive this letter, I am on an airplane. I have decided to build a new life elsewhere, to look for a job and to take time for myself. It is time for me to make my own decisions and that will be impossible if I stay in familiar environment. I'm going on a voyage of discovery to ... myself. _ ** **
> 
> _ Of course I will send you, Niall and Liam a letter from time to time; you all remain my best friends. _ ** **
> 
> _ For now, I wish you all the best. Give my regards to Serafine and our friends Niall and Liam. _ ** **
> 
> _Your friend,_
> 
> _Harry Styles_

Louis sits down on the top step, his breath is ragged, his legs feel heavier than they already did.

"Are you okay, Mr. Tomlinson? Do you want a glass of water? ” ** **

“Yes, please. ”Louis can barely breathe. Right now, all he wants is to sit on the couch like a little boy, curled up with his aunt's arms around him, reassuring him that everything will be alright. Unfortunately, he is an adult man in a cold building who needs to sign a contract. He can’t get out of the purchase, despite the fact that his goal, to offer Harry the gallery has been completely missed. He has Kiwi, but not the previous owner of the gallery. He would do anything for it if it had been the other way around. He only wants Harry, on Harry's terms. No property or sum of money can compensate for the absence of the man of his dreams. The only thing he can do is wait and hope that Harry will come to him when he is ready. And Louis has an uneasy feeling that it could take a long time before he sees Harry again …

***

It's summer again, a year has passed since Louis returned to Oxfordshire for Serafine's 50th birthday party. The summer in which he decided to settle down in the old summer house. The summer where he and Harry expressed their feelings for each other, the summer in which ... everything went wrong.

Serafine has left for the South of France to spend the summer with friends. The main house is closed until October. Louis stayed in the summer house, as was his plan. Although Harry Styles was no longer within reach, Louis needed a place of his own, a house of his own. Where Harry now traveled the world, Louis was now permanently in Oxfordshire. Funny, how life changes. Occasionally Louis receives a letter or a postcard, each time from a different country, as do Liam and Niall. Harry is having a good time, apparently. However, Louis cannot tell from the letters whether he is happy too. He only tells about his adventures in the various places he visits, the locals he meets or strange objects and customs that he encounters. Amusing tales, but little information about how he is really doing. When Louis writes back, he always asks how he's doing, but Harry never answers that particular question. ** **

In the meantime, the Styles family has moved into a small house in Cheshire and Louis hardly hears anything from or about the family. They too have started to build a new life in a new environment. Desmond has a 'normal' job after he has undergone intensive treatment to cure him of his gambling habits. According to the latest reports, from Louis' aunt, Harry's parents are doing well and are living a modest life. Liam is now married and lives nearby; Louis dines regularly with the newly-married couple. Niall also has wedding plans, but will settle in Mullingar, County Westmeath in Ireland. Louis will miss him.

The past year has been a year with ups and downs for Louis; he misses Harry terribly. Parties and work don't seem to give enough distraction, Louis thinks of Harry 24 hours a day. He went on a business trip a few more times, but he also missed Harry there. He hopes that his desire for the man will decrease, will fade. He has little hope that Harry will come back for him.

Louis eventually sold Kiwi to Geraldine, after she repeatedly asked him what he would do with the property. Geraldine had the connections and ideas for an art gallery. Louis finally succumbed and sold her the property. It has now become a flourishing business under a new name. He wrote to Harry that he had sold Kiwi to her and Harry had replied that he was glad that the gallery had come into capable hands. He had even sent Geraldine a bouquet of flowers for the opening. So typically Harry; charming and a true gentleman.

Louis is sitting on the bench by the lake, his fingers automatically feel the carved heart with the initials H and L. He glances sadly over the smooth surface of the water. It is calm. The sun is high in the sky and the temperature is perfect for an afternoon of lazing by the water. Louis has brought a book and a jug of iced tea and is planning to do nothing all afternoon. At the most, paddling in the lake when it gets too hot. For the rest of the afternoon, he will read and maybe take a nap; no one will be bothering him. However, his rest is soon disturbed.

"I thought I'd find you here." Louis hears a deep voice waking him from his afternoon nap. He looks up, bewildered.

“Harry? Is that you? ”Louis blinks with his eyes against the bright sun. He can't believe his ears and eyes. In front of him stands Harry Styles, more handsome than ever with tanned skin, dressed in a white shirt and jeans shorts. He smiles at Louis. Louis rises to his feet and after making sure that it is indeed Harry, he jumps up and puts his arms around Harry's shoulders.

“I am so happy to see you! I missed you. ”Louis exclaims excitedly.

"I am also happy to be back in England." Harry replies. "I missed you too."

Louis pours Harry a glass of iced tea when they sit together on the terrace of the summer house. He asks Harry about his adventures and Harry is more than happy to talk about his experiences abroad. Together they cook a meal in the kitchen. Louis tells him about his past year, talks about the marriage of Liam and Elisabeth and the many engaging parties Serafine organised at the house. ** **

After the meal, they sit in silence for a while, the atmosphere has changed. They both try to avoid the sensitive subject of their true feelings.

"Have you been to see your parents?" Louis asks after a while. ** **

“Yes, they are doing well. I think they are happier now that the responsibility for the estate and the company is no longer a burden on their shoulders. "Harry tells.

"Nice to hear."

"I've also been to the gallery." Harry continues. “The strange thing is that it didn't hurt me at all when I walked in. I have thought about it; the gallery was an excuse. My heart was never completely in art. I found it interesting, but it didn't have my passion ... I discovered that passion during my travels. ”

Louis is surprised and curious.

“I have discovered that I really like photography; I have a talent for it, even if I say so myself. I have therefore decided to make it my work. I'm going to follow a course and work to gain experience at a studio. ”Harry says it proudly.

"I am happy for you, I would like to see pictures of your trip soon." Louis smiles warmly at his friend. He has never seen Harry Styles so passionate and happy. "You look happy." ** **

Louis does not hope that another man or woman is the cause of this radiant version of the man to whom Louis has pledged his heart. For a moment his face clouds when he thinks there might be someone else who makes Harry look this happy, someone that isn’t Louis. That would be unbearable for him. ** **

"I'm happy, Louis." Harry says softly. “I got to know myself in so many ways. A Harry that I didn't know existed. This year has brought me so much self-knowledge. I now know that I always did everything to please my parents, to be an exemplary son for them. And I forgot to be myself. A lot has changed, Louis. ” ** **

Louis holds his breath, now it is coming, he thinks. He will now tell me that he sees me as a friend, but that he has found someone else who has stolen his heart. ** **

"The only thing that hasn't changed," Harry continues. “Are my feelings for you. I had a great time during my travels, but I missed you. I kept thinking about you and in everything I experienced I wondered if you’d liked it as much as I did. I had to come back ... for you ... if you still want me. "He ends, almost inaudibly. His gaze betrays his fear of rejection.

Louis feels a lump in his throat. He can hardly believe his ears; Harry Styles wants to share his life with him, Louis.

“Oh Harry, of course I want you. That will never change. I adore you, I've done that all my life. Nothing will make me more happy than to spend my life together with you. ”

They spend the following weeks together in the summer house; enjoying their romance without anyone suspecting anything. They carefully keep their relationship a secret until they are ready to share their romance with family and friends. The general response from their beloved friends and family is “Finally!” Louis can’t help but laugh about it and Harry is downright surprised at the reactions.

"Oh, dear Harry." Serafine says during their engagement party. “I've always known. You both were inseparable and the fond way you looked at each other when you thought no one was watching, those were feelings so intense that a marriage between you two would have been inevitable. Everything has a reason, Harry." Serafine gives him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. Harry looks at his parents, who are happier than ever before and chat animatedly with Nick and Solange. Then his eyes stray to his fiancé. Their eyes meet. Harry smiles and walks up to Louis.

"Are you happy?" Louis asks lovingly. Harry kisses him.

"Never been happier." He whispers in Louis's ear.


End file.
